Journal Entry

7 days after I received that dreaded email I wrote this.

September 4, 2014

I hate you,  I want to kick you, hurt you and make you feel what I feel.  I hate that you left me, that you gave up on me, that you replaced me, chose someone else.  I am worthless. I feel worthless.  I say I forgive you, but how do I truly forgive you?  How do I forget?  How do I start having more good days than bad?  How do I move on?

How do I remember my purpose?  How do I move on?  How do I forget about you?  How do I not want you anymore?  Stop hating you?  How did Jesus forgive the lady who cheated?  How do I get out of the fog?  How do I live again?  How do I stop remembering?  How do I forgive you day after day?  When will it come automatically?

You lied, you cheated, you left, you abandoned me and my children yet I forgive you.  I must forgive you.  I cannot live with hate.  I cannot live with bitterness, hurt, and unforgiveness.  I must move on.  Move forward.  A new life for me and my kids.

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