Impossible Change

Bobbing my head and singing “aahhoooaaa” with the kids as we drove back home from some errands we passed a church.  A church that normally says “Jesus is coming soon” or something end of the world-ish on it’s white sign said something different and caught my eye.  It said “God is a big God”.  Immediately I shouted out “Prove it!”  Wishes that my husband was dancing in the car beside me had been in my head just a moment before caused me grief that I was trying to conceal.

Immediately I realized my “Prove it!” shout to God was actually quite rude.  I very quickly apologized.  “I know you are a big God.  You made a very big sun.  But it would be very great if you could show me how big of a God you are.”

Now God’s not stupid obviously, He did make the sun.  He knew exactly the context of what I was speaking about.  These thoughts came to me.  “People have choices.  I cannot force people to choose the right thing.”

I responded, “well then surround him with christians who will influence him and help him make the right choices.”

“I could send ten thousand people to surround someone and that one person still may not choose what all the others choose.  Everyone has a choice.”

It would be very hard for someone not to be influenced by ten thousand people, but it’s possible.  He has a choice.  If he doesn’t want to come back to me he’s not going to.  If he doesn’t want to fight for me, he’s not going to.  If he doesn’t want to love me, he’s going to stop loving me.

I cannot change someone.  God can’t change someone.  We can influence but only you can choose to change yourself.

That sucks.  I wish he would choose me.  I don’t even know why I would take him back. Because I still love him that’s why.

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