Grown Up Things

I’ve been mom for 5 years now.  I got married young but have been married 6 and a half years.  I’ve lived life.  I’m an adult.  Yet I’ve never made any big decisions on my own.  No life altering ones.

I suppose the first one I made was choosing to have a c-section instead of trying to induce one more time.  It was a good choice.  Big Head literally wouldn’t have fit, how does a babies head not fit through a pelvis?  When it’s the size of a 6 weeks old.  It was a tough choice but the right choice.

This will be the first car that I choose.  Old Faithful isn’t going to be faithful forever.  She sounds like a jet plane.  Doesn’t measure the gas anymore, can’t go faster than 100, to wined the window back up requires prayer, and the bottom of the thing looks like it’s going to fall out.  Old Faithful is going to have to be replaced.  It will be all my choice.  But who’s going to check the engine?  Do the mechanical man thing?  Tell me if the tires are going to have to be replaced right away.  It’s my turn to figure it out.

We never saved money.  Well I did at the end and I’m so thankful that I had the wisdom to save our tax return.  It’s been a lifesaver since you’ve decided to not support us.  Now I need to decide how to save and what to do with the money.  I’m the only one your children have.  I am their sole support.  Education, their future.  How am I going to support them.  What if something happens to me?  What provision is there for them?  To take care of things?  What about a will?   So many things I’ve never really thought of, but now I think is the time to take care of these grown up things.

I should be doing all of this with my husband.  We should be investing both our incomes into this.  We should be making these decisions together.  But now I have to be a grown up all on my own.

Are you going to grow up?  Are you going to invest in their lives?  Get your act together?  Be there for your children?  I really think you need to pack up and move and leave everything behind, but that’s a choice you have to make…I suppose you’ve already have done it, made the choice.

You should be here to bring your children to the doctor.  Help with prescriptions, make super, wipe boogers, give cuddles.  You should be here to hear that if your 6 week old doesn’t get better soon she will need a chest x-ray.  You should be here.

One of us needs to grow up, I guess it’s me.

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