I Hate Him

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.

There is probably going to be no Jesus in this one.

It’s been really bugging me.  You say you don’t want a divorce, but are you still with her?

I called and called and called tonight.

I texted asking if you were.

I texted saying if your drunk answer, if you are with her answer.

I called again.

The second time you answered.

“Do you want a divorce?”

“no”

“Are you still with her”

“Yes”

“Do you want a divorce?”

“no”

“Are you confused”

“yes”

“Are you still with her?”

“yes she is right here.”

“are you serious?”

“Do you want to talk to her?”

“yes”

“You’re on speaker phone”

“You do know he doesn’t pay child support”

“That’s none of my business honey”

“You know you destroyed our marriage.” As he tries to take me off speaker phone…”why are you with him, if he cheats on me he’ll cheat on you”

Hang up.

I hate him.  I absolutely hate him.  How am I supposed to forgive him again?

Why did he do this to me?  Why?  What did I do to deserve this?  Why?

I can hardly see the screen through the tears.

WHY!?!?!?

Why lead me on?  Why talk to me every day.  Why call to just talk to me.  Why?!

I hate him.  I absolutely hate him and I hate myself.

I’m so shattered.  So destroyed.  So many pieces of me, it’s unbearable.

How do I hide this pain from the kids tomorrow?  How do I live with a smile on my face?  How do I smile when they talk about him?  How am I supposed to say I miss him too now?  I feel sick.

No words can describe the absolute pain I feel inside.  No words.

You suck.  You have sucked everything out of me.  How am I supposed to love again?  Feel clean again?  Trust again?  How?

I really want to know why.  Why did you chose her over me?  Why?

I hate you.  How in the world can she call me honey?  How can she stand to be with you?  You cheat, you lie, you don’t support your responsibilities.

I hate you for what you’ve done to our kids.  I find random pictures all over of mommy and daddy holding hands and cuddling.  Secretly I hoped those pictures would come true for our little artist.  But you are choosing a lady instead of them.

I hate you for what you’ve done to me.  Dirty, ugly, shameful, filthy, contaminated, hurt, destroyed, broken, alone, abandoned, worthless.

I hate you for what you’ve done to yourself.  You were something great.  You could be something great.  You don’t care what others think so you could do the right thing.  You are a great speaker.  You are charismatic. You are strong and talented.  You could be great, but you chose the easy road…all the time.  You chose her over me.  Her over the poopy diapers.  Her over the crying children.  Her over the fighting for your marriage.  Her over family obstacles.  You chose her over your children.  How could someone do that.

I told you, you had tomorrow to fly here and be with us or you have chosen her for the rest of eternity.  I need to back of.  I need to let go.  You have chosen her.  You may be confused, but this isn’t something you are allowed to be confused about.  We are married.  We have children.  It’s an easy choice.  You need to leave that place.

I wish with all my heart you would make the right choice.  It would bring me great gladness.

I must leave you.  I must say goodbye.  I cannot be chained anymore.

You chose her over your kids.  Her over me.

I am so incredibly sad right now.

So sad.

2 thoughts on “I Hate Him

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s