Going Up

I hate you for being with her for ever meeting her, for going as far as you went.

I hate this place that I am in.

My life is such a mess.  It’s an utter disaster.

How did I get here?  How did I end up in this chaos?

I’m not sure I really did much to get me here.   No I’m not perfect, but what happened seemed to be a huge influence of someone else’s choices.  How can someone else’s choice make such an impact on a large number of peoples lives?

No amount of blame and excuses can excuse you from certain choices.  From breaking promises.  That’s all you and your choices.

I still can’t believe you chose what you chose.  You chose her over us.  You chose lies over us.  You chose secrets over us.  None of that was with our (the children or my)  best interest in mind.

And now my life is in a complete mess.

A decision that effected my life, your life, her life, our future, your children’s lives, your families lives, my families lives and even my best friends life.

How do I escape this mess?  How does it get fixed?  How does it sort itself out?  Only God can do it and only He knows how it’s all going to work out for my best interest.  Only He knows how i’m going to heal.  Only He knows what’s going to come of you calling every day, answering all my calls.  sending me gifts.  Only He knows where we will end up.

This mess is annoying, ridiculous and stressful.  Somehow I will get through this disaster zone and rise up bigger and better.  A better woman.  I will not go down, I will go up from this all.

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