Acting like it’s over when I want to hope it’s not is harder said than done.

Yet I’m also terrified I’m going to get hurt again as you keep calling.

So much peace comes when I give it to God.

Yet it’s so hard to keep the thoughts of hope away.

But as soon as hope comes so does the mistrust.

What are you doing right now?  Who are you with?  Are you secretly setting me up for the greatest hurt of all?  Are you secretly talking to a lawyer?  Are you playing me?  Or is it all for reals and you actually had a heart change?  You’ve never really pursued me before like you are pursuing me now.  What made the change?  Is it for real or a set-up?

It’s so hard to trust you.  So so hard.

There was a great word spoken at church today.  One thing I got out of it was put the Word first, above books and sermons and friends, and everything else will fall into place.

When those thoughts of mistrust come I need to dwell on them less and give them more to God.  I can do all things through Christ.

I am God’s and whatever else happens, happens.  I trust God.

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