Happy Meet-aversary

It’s our Meet-aversary today.

7 years ago this cute guy got off his motorcycle and started talking to me, making lame jokes.

I fell for him.

The next few years brought on a whole bunch of challenges and adventures…

Looking back I wish they were slightly funner adventures, but non the less they were adventures.  But I never thought I would be here seven years into it.

I never thought I would be debating every single day wether it’s worth holding on and seeing if this change of heart is for real or wether just to cut the cord and move on.  I never thought my husband would cheat on me.  That was my greatest fear in our relationship and it became a reality…that’s something to think about right there.  He knew it was my greatest fear too.

I never thought the word divorce would be said in my mind or said in our relationship with a serious tone.  (I said it once before at an inappropriate time).  Divorce is not a word to be messed with and not a word your children need to know.

I never thought that on this day my child would walk into the bathroom while I’m showering and say “mom!  I need glue to stick this envelope so we can send it to dad because we are never going to see him again.”…ouch  I bent over as if I were hit in the gut with that one.

This is not the place I wanted to be.  I wanted to be on fire for God with my husband, I wanted to be raising our children together and on the same page.  I wanted to be in love and I wanted to undoubtedly know that I was loved no matter what happened in our lives.  No matter how much or how little money we had, no matter where we were, who we were with that I would always be his.

That’s not how things worked out.  Life hit me and it hit me hard.  So hard that some days I can’t see a way up.

So I sit here, in my few precious minutes called nap-time thinking still.  Do I want to stick this out and hope to see an 8th meet-aversary?  Is this hope real?  Can things really change?  Am I going to be treated like the woman I deserve to be treated like?  No matter what finances look like, no matter what life looks like?  Am I going to be wholly his or is he going to keep screwing around?

I want to celebrate a 7th anniversary together, he will probably be having drinks at a party with his friends that night…without me.  That saddens me.

I want to reach an 8th meet-aversary and an 8th anniversary.  Can we be a fresh new changed couple or will be in the same darn circle of pain and disrespect?

I want so badly for this meet-aversary to bring on a new life.   Freshness and abundant hope to go with this abundant grace.  There is always hope.  Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.  Do I have the faith to see this through to a good ending?

I will hope without soaring too much.  It’s a start.

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