Only Time

When is this going to be over?

This is long.

You said you cleaned the kitchen after you cooked yesterday.  I’m impressed.  Wether you learned to do it to impress her or you are really trying to better yourself.  I’m impressed.

We actually have real conversations now.  Atleast so it feels.  Before our conversations were…weird.  Strained.  Silent a lot.  Now we can actually talk for more than ten minutes and talk about real things, hard things and random things.  It’s kinda nice, except is it getting my hopes up too much?  Am I falling for the risk of this all?

Maybe one day you will hold your baby.  Maybe one day your son will know you as dada.  Maybe one day you will be the one sitting at dance watching them and laughing at their cuteness.  Maybe one day we will renew our vows.  Maybe I’ll get to wear a pretty white dress.  Maybe we’ll get to have a party.  Maybe one day we will get to work out together.  Watch a tv show together again.  Just be together.  Maybe one day.

God told Peter to forgive an infinite amount of times.

I know I need to protect my children and myself.  I have to walk in love to him but also to myself and my kids.  Sometimes it’s just best to separate ourselves from bad things.

I honestly hope that you keep proving yourself.  Only time will tell.

Thank you Lord for teaching me to be a better mom.  Teach me and help me grow in all aspects of my life.  Continue to show your love to my husband.  Reveal to him your never-ending love.   Teach him to love like You love.  Thank you Lord for forgiveness.  For forgiving me of my short-comings.  For helping me forgive.  You say no one sin is worse than another.  It doesn’t feel that way all the time.  Remind me of this.  Reveal your love to me God.  Show me how much you love me every day.  Protect me.  

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