You can find all kinds of stuff on the internet.
Porn, chat rooms…good things to avoid, but as I’ve been looking around I find blogs from the people involved in affairs. Having been the so called victim of an affair I find it very hard to read the blogs of those who caused the pain. Especially when it is portrayed as they are the victim of a bad relationship. Or how they aren’t truly sorry. I can’t at this moment bring myself to be in the right state of mind to read them fully and see if this first impression is true.
No I’m not saying your spouse didn’t contribute to the atmosphere of your relationship that drove you away, but regardless it’s a choice that YOU made. No one else made you choose it. You chose to be unfaithful.
It stings to know this is how my husband felt and this is how he could still feel. We are not guilty for your choices. It’s not our fault you choose to be unfaithful and not keep your promises. It’s not our fault that our relationship didn’t mean enough to you, that we didn’t mean enough to you.
I know they are your feelings and your are entitled to them. These are mine. And it’s a fact that your choice is your choice.
If your spouse doesn’t know you are cheating, please get it over with and tell them. Break their heart now, let them stop wondering and let them begin to heal. Quit delaying their life.
It really does feel like our lives are being delayed, because we suspect something but aren’t sure or couldn’t believe it. And then we realize how stupid we’ve been to not have seen it. And then the whole processes of forgiveness and deciding what to do with our lives…it’s like our whole lives are on pause until we heal or begin to heal. I can’t tell you when it un-pauses at the moment. My life is still frozen, still delayed, still paused.
Repentance (acting on your sorry-ness) and forgiveness and grace can go a long way.
But for goodness sake, your spouse is hurting incredibly bad and it’s caused by you, love them and help them heal from your wounds.
If I stabbed someone with a knife and didn’t mean to I would be putting pressure on the wound and rushing them to the hospital. Not sitting there being pitiful for myself while they bleed to death.
Ok. My rant is done.