Sheesh

Husband said he missed me and wished he was coming home to me and the kids.  I asked if he ever felt that way before…this is the conversation that proceeded…

“Yes, but not for a while.

What can I do to always make it that way?  I really don’t want to loose you again.  (am I a fool? Maybe)

There is a lot that needs to happen, with both of us for that to always happen.

Well how are we going to fix it?

I don’t know.  I need to work on my heart more than anything.  And you taking the housewife thing to the next level would really help a lot.”

Amen to the first part of that statement but the second part…seriously?  Insert angry face here.  You have no right to correct me.  You deal with you and I’ll deal with me.  That probably wasn’t the right time to correct me.  Sure I need to fix things but that angered me.  It probably shouldn’t have, a heart issue with me…but seriously?

Honestly I had thought of my answer before I asked him and mine was, “I need to work on my heart which entails a ton of things and leave the rest to God.”

Sigh.  We really do have a long way to go.  Pride is a hard thing to overcome.  For me and for you.

As for the house wife thing, that’s a heart issue.  Laziness is a problem, it’s for me to deal with right now.  I don’t know what happened.  When I first moved out on my own my house was immaculate.  Then I met you.  You moved your stuff in and kachow.  I got preggo, sick and lazy.  I saw you not cleaning up after yourself, you be lazy and out of spite I chose to let myself slide.

I became lazy.  I’ve been working on it lately.  Today after donating stuff, picking up stuff, and doing a few errands I arrived home to one of my hardships, being productive in the house….

Here are my thoughts as I tackled this problem single handedly cause well…I’m single at the moment.

“Baby come upstairs it’s time for bed!”

Where is she?  I’ll just put these cookies off of the baking sheet into the container while I see if she comes up on her own.  Am I going to have to go to the basement to get her?

“There you are!  Go turn the bath on, I’ll be up once I’m done with these cookies.”

Quick scrape the cookies, oh look at these dishes that need to be put in the sink, oh what is she doing the bath isn’t running yet.  Come on my newborn let’s go up.

Let’s turn on the bath, rip your sleeves off, throw you in the bath, oh look there is son he came up from downstairs, he needs a bath too, I can’t get his clothes off while holding the baby, lets put the baby on the bed, I’m so glad she doesn’t roll around yet, oh look at her cute rolls, oh look at the clothes on the floor lets stuff them in the drawers, oh piece of garbage.

As I get it to the bathroom garbage, oh son! Lets get these clothes off now, throw you in.  Scrub scrub scrub.  Let’s get baby she stinks too.  Take diaper off, don’t pee don’t pee.  Into the bath.  Oh! too hot! Sorry to the sink.  I”m sorry I’m making you scream.

I get everyone de-stinkified and one into bed….

“Ok go find your library books downstairs quick quick”…Is she coming?  What’s taking her so long?  That stuff on the stairs needs to come up, where is she?  da da da dum…I still need to finish putting the cookies into the container.  That soup was good, gross looking but good.  Oh there she is.  Quick now.  Her bed is comfy.  I wish mine was this comfy.  Oh great she dropped it, hurry up.  While reading.  This book is different than the other we have of this same story.  How strange.  Why does she get a book that we already have?  I love you my princesses.  Your so cute when you cuddle my hair.  Ok of course you have to go potty, I’ll bring your bottle to fill up with “fresh” water.  Your in the bathroom with me, you can’t see my fake ninja trick of filling it up darn, I’ll just go in the room and tidy up while you pee, oh yeah you need your half apple, I’ll be right back, oh the cookies lets do them, oh I just about sliced my hand cutting the apple, I’m coming I’m coming, tuck you in, oh were did your water bottle go?  Oh it’s not in the bathroom, oh there it is on the dresser, oh look wet diaper, lets throw diaper out and fill water bottle, I can do it trixy style she never knows if it’s fresh or not, ok here is your water, goodnight don’t get up…please please please, come on son downstairs, oh look at the boogers, yes a wipe, no more boogers, oh your heavy, oh look at the dirt on the banister lets clean it up with the clean end of this wipe…”

Chaotic? Yes.

Productive?  I think so.  3 of 4 children bathed, bedroom cleaned, kid in bed, cookies taken care of…all in about 45 minutes.  Champion!  I’m rocking this single mom thing…work on the housewife thing eh?  Ha!  Take that, what made you decide to cook super every night?  Are you actually starting to respect your finances?  Is it going to be less of a love for you?  Are you going to send me something sweet?  Make me blush via text today?  Are you going to cook for me when you come?  Clean the kitchen after you cook?  Are you going to be respectful to the people around you?  Are you going to be full of pride?

Heart issues.  Yeah I have them.  At this moment I need to deal with them on my own.  You deal with yours.  You still aren’t supporting us, when you decide to act like a husband and provide financially, when you show up, then we can go to a counselor and discuss issues that we see with each other.  Let’s fix ourselves not each other.

Laziness, self-confidence, respect, not interrupting, self-esteem, independence and right this moment I’m adding pride is what I am working on.  Those are my problems you deal with your own.  It’s between you and God.

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