They Are Worth It

I finally got it out of you.  What was bothering you.  It only took me two days.

I finally got fed up with the one word answers and the phone conversations where you weren’t paying any attention to me.  I called you and asked what was wrong.  You said nothing.  I asked why you were upset.  You said nothing was upsetting you.  I asked again.  Finally you said that my whole family hated you and can you move here and live with that?

To me I heard it as if you were debating wether the children and I were worth pain.  This realization brought doubt to your head if you really wanted this.

I said this and then said “are your children not worth everything?”

You said they were, you knew.

I said it.  I said I don’t think you really do (think that they are worth everything).

You then went into the whole I suck, I’m a horrible person ya da ya da ya da.

I hate when you do that.

I don’t know if you are trying to make me feel guilty or if you truly think that, but its so frustrating.  You couldn’t stay and talk it through.  You were done.  Kept trying to hang up.  I can’t decide if it’s serious ADD or bipolar or depression.  You go from such highs to such lows and when you are low wether it’s my fault or not you block me out, change the way you treat me, stop showing me love.

You go for a few days or even weeks doing really well and then you shut down.

Your children are worth everything.  They are worth leaving everything, leaving your job so you can be there.  They are worth breaking your lease and commitments.  They are worth it.  I’m really not sure you understand or believe that.  If you truly did you would act on it.

You need to face this straight on.   Deal with the problems.  Talk through them, face them.  I want this to work.  I want someone to love and who loves me no matter what.  Right now you don’t love me unconditionally.  You love me on condition of me and on condition of my family.

I forgave you for the greatest betrayal of all and I’m still treated like for things I didn’t even do.  You had better figure this out quick and fix it fast.

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