Dedicated

May I haven’t blogged in a whole day…feels like forever and my emotions get the better of me.

Today was a big day for my littlest.  I stood in front of the church and dedicated her to the Lord…alone.

The past three times it was me and my husband standing up there holding the baby and saying to the world that she or he was God’s.  Today it was just me.  I all alone have the responsibility to raise, nurture, protect, provide and love my child.  It is my sole responsibility to train up my child in the way she should go.  To love her like Christ loves her, to discipline like God the father does, and to lead her to walk in His ways.  Thats a big job and I had to stand up there and do it by myself.

The person who was supposed to be my partner in this journey and God given task has opted out at this moment.  He has chosen to leave me to stand on my own.  So I held my head up even though I wanted to run out the back door, held her tightly and said “I do” to my child and to God.

It’s a daunting task, but I can do it..the first part of this would be making sure she survives her big brother and sister.  Pounds and high fives don’t work so well for her and his toes currently going in her eyeballs, nose and mouth as he giggles.

I will raise them properly, I will love them endlessly and I will provide for them in abundance.  I will get a good source of income and buy them a house.  I will get us our own car and even vacations.  I can do it and God will show me how.

in other news, that person who has left me to this task alone didn’t call yesterday and only emailed once.  That is very rare.  We had a good discussion the other night about one of the tough topics, laziness, and at the end I asked you about the picture I saw and if you cheated while we were still living together and you said no.

I don’t believe you.  You were topless in bed with her, you had to have cheated why else would you have been like that?

I couldn’t stop thinking about it and emailed you about it last night.  Calling you out on it.  Still no reply.  That was over 12 hours ago.  So frustrating.  At this point in my life I’de rather you not come in a few weeks.  If I were dating you I would ditch you.  I’m pretty certain you are still lying.  And some of the things you say aren’t cool.  Your only saving grace is we’re still married.  Although if you really did lie I’ll find out the other lies again and I’m pretty certain it will be over forever.

Either way I trust God.  He’s got my back.

I do miss you telling me you love me.

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