It’s weird being single.  It’s weird being a single mom.  If he doesn’t want me who is going to want me?

I went clothing shopping today.  I’m tired of pouring all my rolls into jeans or wearing leggings that just aren’t attractive.  The baby came out three months ago today and I still look 6 months preggo, but it’s mushy now not solid with a baby.  Oh the joys. But as I cringed every time I put on pants that made my butt look even more horrible or a shirt that accentuated every stomach.  As I cringed thinking about the 100 pounds I’ve gained and the 5 pant sizes I’ve gone up since the day I met my husband I remember I look this way because I grew and birthed 4 people that are half me.  I grew them.   My body stretched around them and my body pushed them out.  Duh of course I’m going to be different.  I thought man I would die for my children…I would do anything for them…I guess giving up my body for them is doing just that.  I let my body be changed for my children.  They are so worth it.  They are also so worth having a mommy who loves her body, is confident in who she is and who God made her.  They deserve that too.  So I better suck it up buttercup.  They deserve the best.

I was thinking the other day as I observed a single dad waiting with his son at our bus stop, how weird it would be if a man came into my life who had his stuff together.  Who put their children first, who took care of themselves, who had a steady job that pays well and has had it for more than a year.  How weird would that be to have someone like that interested in me and wanting to be involved in my life?  I’m not sure that will ever happen.  If things don’t work out with my husband I will defiantly be raising my standards for when I get a next time.  I deserve better and my children definitely deserve better.  They need someone who will sacrifice everything for them.

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