I’m not really sure of what to say today.
I feel like I’m floating in limbo again with him. Not stopping life but feel like i’m face planted again. Can’t work cause I don’t have child care…dope. Made a disgusting supper, and don’t have a vacuum. How I love to feel all the gross rice under my feet.
Sometimes life just sucks. Like when you break a mug, your child thinks being sick means they can whine all day, a snowstorm and all you have are breathable running shoes, a poopy diaper, a car window that won’t unwind anymore therefore you have to lug all three littles into Tim Hortons to get your much needed coffee, or the full priced winter coat you bought your child so she doesn’t always look homeless that you saved up for because you couldn’t find a good used one that gets paint all over it, someone taking out a double payment and causing overdraft fees, or your spouse cheating on you. Life sometimes sucks. At different levels it happens, but it does. That’s part of life. We are on the earth…stuff is going to happen.
I’ve decided to try my best to let my relationship with my husband be. As I keep saying there is nothing I can do to fix anything. So I will just be. I’ll let him call me, I’ll encourage him, but that’s all I can do. It’s exhausting thinking about what he’s doing. It’s draining waiting for him to contact me. It’s depressing thinking about what our relationship is and it’s future. All I can do is trust God. I’ll be happy with one call a day. If I get more yay! (which I have been) and an initiated email…well that’s just a treasure! We will see what happens. He is still coming in a few weeks. Let’s not freak out about that. I’ll just be excited to spend some time with him and try not to make my list of stuff that needs to be worked out. If he moves in the spring then he really does love us. If not then he’s an idiot and throwing away an amazing life.
How someone cannot do everything in their power to hold this chubby bunch of goodness, to watch his son swing his elbow like a madman as he runs at high 1 year old speeds, to feel 3 cuddle your head and to listen to 5’s awesome and endless stories.
Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes we make choices that make our own lives suck, sometimes it just happens to us. But just because it happens doesn’t mean we have to let it get the better of us. We can still push out of the grumpiness, sadness, anger and dance and sing and be a goof regardless of the circumstances.
Let’s go have a silly day!