I Want My Marriage to Work

You called today.

Long story short you said something, it hit one of my triggers and I had a reaction of hurt and anger.  You didn’t like it and ended up hanging on me.

That was really upsetting.  I’m a hurt girl, your a hurting man and our marriage is a mess…there are going to be issues.  Your previous reaction would have been to ignore me for a day or two then act like nothing happened.  But today I was hopeful you would call back and sort it out once you cooled down.

Amazingly you did. God is good and I’m actually proud of my husband.  You called back.  We were silent for a while.  We were probably both debating wether we were going to talk about it or ignore it, move on and let it fester inside…at least I know I was.   But we barfed it up and talked about it.  He got upset, I got upset and in the end we both said our pieces.  I stood my ground too and in the end nothing was settled, no one compromised, but we both said our pieces and we didn’t hang up on each other, ignore the issue and we weren’t angry…does that mean it’s settled?  I don’t know, but I’m happy with the outcome and that we actually talked about the problem.

The rest of the days conversations with you went well.  Praise Jesus!  I hate the fighting.  I hate the ignoring the problems just as much.  I hate that I feel like I’m always wrong…but this is all changing.  It has no choice because I’m done with it and I want my marriage to work.

The texting worked for a good two hours today…that was nice, but now the urge to text you to check up on you all the time is becoming overwhelming…so stupid.

I often am tired of this relationship.  I often dislike my husband, but more than anything I want this marriage to work and I want to be with a man of God I know he can be.  A man who offers to cook, plays with the kids, helps to clean, goes to the park with us and pays attention to the kids.  A man who helps put the kids to nap then runs into the bedroom to have a “nap” with me.  I want a man who watches my shows too, the kids shows and his shows.  A man who goes on adventures with us and loves us unconditionally.  Amazingly enough he’s done most of those things…just not recently and obviously not now, it’s been hard to remember those good things lately.  I want it back and I want to know what the heck happened.  Two years can change two people drastically.  I miss what we had.  I really really miss it.

4 thoughts on “I Want My Marriage to Work

  1. He’s a lucky guy AG seriously I think M would have loved to marry a gal like you. One who can see the man God has called him to be. I used to see that for my husband and now I really don’t care what God has in store for him.

    I am amazed at your story how you wait for his calls, how you know our God is faithful to you even through the infidelity mess.

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    • You are so stinking encouraging thank you. Sometimes it’s amazingly hard and I really don’t want to see him that way, but when I look at what I know God has for him it makes loving him so much easier. My God is always faithful to me and only has the best plans for me…stuff happens but that’s not always what He wanted. I pray that you too see and feel God’s endless love even when our worlds around us seem to suck tremendously.

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