He’ll Be Coming Round the…

Husband comes in 6 days.

I’m so freaking nervous.  Bleh.

I’m nervous because I don’t know what my emotions are going to do.

I’m nervous because I don’t know what it’s going to be like.

I don’t know how the kids are going to react.

I’m nervous because I don’t know what he’s going to think of me.  He hasn’t seen me in a very long time.  The last girl he’s seen was his girlfriend.

I’m nervous because I don’t know what his “expectations” are going to be.  I’m not sure if I can have sex with him.  Ever since I found out about him and her all desire has gone…is something wrong with me?  I want it, but it makes me cry thinking about how ruined it is.  It’s destroyed.

The thing I am most worried/scared about is for my children.  This literally may be his one chance in 5’s whole fifth year of life to show her what a gentleman is, to show her what a real father acts like.  Acts like…not says…but what he actually does.  I’m so worried that he’s going to influence them the wrong way.  I finally have them being polite, routine down, and discipline in effect.  I really hope he just loves on them, holds doors, and treats them like his princesses.

He’s coming and I really don’t know how I feel about it.  ACK!

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