Husband comes in 6 days.
I’m so freaking nervous. Bleh.
I’m nervous because I don’t know what my emotions are going to do.
I’m nervous because I don’t know what it’s going to be like.
I don’t know how the kids are going to react.
I’m nervous because I don’t know what he’s going to think of me. He hasn’t seen me in a very long time. The last girl he’s seen was his girlfriend.
I’m nervous because I don’t know what his “expectations” are going to be. I’m not sure if I can have sex with him. Ever since I found out about him and her all desire has gone…is something wrong with me? I want it, but it makes me cry thinking about how ruined it is. It’s destroyed.
The thing I am most worried/scared about is for my children. This literally may be his one chance in 5’s whole fifth year of life to show her what a gentleman is, to show her what a real father acts like. Acts like…not says…but what he actually does. I’m so worried that he’s going to influence them the wrong way. I finally have them being polite, routine down, and discipline in effect. I really hope he just loves on them, holds doors, and treats them like his princesses.
He’s coming and I really don’t know how I feel about it. ACK!
Abundant Grace 