Pain go away.

His background picture on his phone was his girlfriend, not his own child.

His debit card and phone unlock code are his girlfriends numbers.

He face timed her in my own home with his kids in the same room.

He spent Christmas with her.  He’s about to spend our anniversary with her.

He still talks about moving here.  He says he can’t get out.

The only thing that drowns the pain is the fact that I am divorcing him.  I can put the pain behind me.  I don’t have to think about him coming because as of right now he isn’t.  He’s not welcome to as long as he is with her, if ever.

I am getting a divorce.  That day in April when I have been here a year I will be doing what I have to get a divorce.

In the meantime I will do what I need to to get custody of the children and do that paperwork.

He doesn’t get that its  over.  He keeps calling.  Yes I talk to him like a fool.  Yes I’m an idiot I know.  I finally called him back and yelled and said we cannot have a relationship, we cannot fix anything, build anything as long as you are with her in any form or fashion.  Our marriage is dead.  I cannot talk to you on the phone for this very reason.  You are with her.

My life sucks right now.  I totally understand rebound dude’s now.  My anniversary is Wednesday.  I’m not looking forward to that.  But life will go on. One day at a time, one moment at a time reminding myself I’m getting a divorce, I don’t have to worry about the past.  The time he took her to Vegas,the place I’ve always wanted to go with him, how he bought her birthday presents and me just a text.  It doesn’t matter.  Something better awaits.

Pain go away.

2 thoughts on “Pain go away.

  1. Oh AG April is a LONG time away.. I’m so sorry this is happening to you but alot can happen between now and then. Don’t sell yourself short in thinking to much into April. I say kuddos to may sure you get the kids.
    I also say block his number and only email his ass.
    and if he wants to facetime or Skype the babies fine..
    Tough love darling.. he doesn’t get your responses, time, or affection anymore. Fuck him.. seriously that may sound harsh but you got this.
    God’s favor is upon you.
    Your husband has failed his test to be faithful, doesn’t mean you have to fail your test.
    Be the righteous woman of God that Jesus calls us all to be.
    You don’t need closure from his ass right now.. hell he can’t even get his act together..
    You will find closure in the Lord Our Savior and it looks different for all of us and it fucking blows..
    but we will wake up and have a million things to be thankful for and have an abundant life right now..
    Your husband was not your only reason to smile and fucking be fantastic.

    Here’s to not answering that dam phone AG.. email me seriously.. IM me.. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I post this with the intention of letting you know something about taxes:

    File separation papers now. What state is yours? You can get the paperwork online, most likely. File taxes as soon as humanly possible. WHY WOULD that bastard want a divorce… he has one hell of a tax refund coming his way. No doubt, his girlfriend urged him to suck up until January 1st. He’ll get all the benefits of his income and all the benefits of your work in raising his children. Please speak to a tax specialist and lawyer. What he’s done and is doing is abuse… I’m sure you can call a local women’s shelter and explain the situation and how time sensitive this is… they have these resources.


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