No More Fear

Oy

Lord I pray for my husband.  Bless him, keep him safe, heal him, grow him, give him wisdom and surround him with you and with people who love you.  

Today started out good and in the middle was hit with the anger and frustration and thoughts that are so hard to put away.  She gets to take care of him when he’s sick, he’s having sex with her, he’s holding her, he’s telling her he loves her…too.

But I have my kids.  I have my little people, the joys of my life, the people that melt my heart just by looking at their adorable little faces.  I have the people that run up to me and love me.  I am ever so thankful for that.

How can you tell your daughter that she is your princess but abandon her?  That pisses me off so much.  Don’t tell her that she’s your princesses when you treat her like …I dunno, definitely not a princesses.  A princesses is loved unconditionally, provided for, danced with, people long to spend time with her, they give her their undivided attention when on the phone – not half ass-ing a conversation, a princesses has the door held for her and is loved.  Quick teaching her things that are just going to hurt her when she is older.  You’ve only talked to her 3 times since you’ve been here, but she still thinks she’s your princesses, you still tell her in all those three times.

Lord give me wisdom in raising my children, to show them to be confident and bold and that they are beautiful and keep them from the pain that I have had to feel.  Help me raise them to be great spouses and teach them to be patient for a perfect spouse.  Keep them from this pain that I have felt.  

He needs to learn what love is.  I need to teach my children what a God kind of love is.  Not the human kind that will throw their middle finger up at someone the second they get a little owie from that person.  They need to know the God kind of love that will not abandon them, that will always be there for them, will always provide, that is patient and kind and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs and all that jazz.  They need to know they are beautiful and loved and worth more than any treasure in the world.  

My heart hurts for my children, specifically right now my little 5.  I cannot live in fear though regarding her. My greatest fear in my relationship with my spouse came to reality, I cannot live in fear anymore about anything…birds and heights and my children’s future I’m not afraid of you!

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