Memory

Walking down the steep incline trying not to trip on the branches or slip on the leaves we see a massive fallen log stretching across a dried up creek.  Excitement enters as we realize that it looks exactly as it would in any movie.

Two little princesses put their arms out wide and started to walk across.  One step, two steps…nope two little princesses crawl across the log, hugging it for dear life.  Their daddy watching their every move.  I walk up to the log eyeing the fairly decent drop, touch the baby strapped to my body, and look again at the log realizing this was an adventure even if it’s little that I’ve always dreamed of.  I took the first few steps and wobbled with off kilter balance.  From the other side of the log he jumped down into the dried up creek and ran over holding up his hand and walked me across the fallen log like in every awesome movie.

Once we cross over we realize that we have somehow literally crossed into a neverland, a land straight from a fairytale.  There is a small grassy hill we climb up, grass so green like we’ve not seen too often before, mossy covered rocks and logs, little hills and nooks and crannies, and silence.  We could hear the birds sing, the leaves blow gently in the trees.  The trees lingered gently over us and reached toward the sky.  It was beautiful.  Absolutely beautiful.  We sat on the rocks at the top of the hill and watched the small piece of beauty we found.  The small piece of neverland.  It was perfect.  It was a perfect moment in time.  An absolute perfect moment in time.

That moment I will always have.  That moment I will never have again.  That moment is a part of my past.  I can remember it, I can mourn it, I can weep over it.  It is a piece of that family, that man, that part of me that is gone.

The memory struck me as I read to my beautiful 5 a book about a tree…it lives, it dies and then disappears leaving just a little trace of itself… that beautiful memory came back to me.  At first I was kind of shocked that I had found a good memory, one that just came to me I didn’t have to fight to find it.

I soaked in the memory as we laid there together stroking her hair.  Eventually the sadness began to come and I had to think of something else.  I will have to finish the memory tonight when I am in bed alone.  I will embrace it.  I will enjoy it.  Then I will mourn it.  I will be sad because it’s over.  I will mourn the memory and then it will not cause pain or sadness, it will just be a memory after that.

Atleast that is how I am hoping it will continue to work.

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