I haven’t had much time to sit and write lately or energy, but I figured an update is necessary. The paperwork is not filed…I know I know…I’m really struggling with just doing it know that it is basically me saying goodbye. No I don’t even want to talk to him, have no desire to be with him, but it’s still hard to say goodbye. It’s slightly more complicated when I file as it is international and therefore once I claim support after so many missed payments his passport will be revoked and literally any contact or space for reconciliation is gone.
I was thinking this afternoon after getting home from an eventful trek out this snow day, that the devil must want me dead. He must want me out, which means I must be doing something right, which is encouraging.
Then last night as I listened to my 3 moan in her sleep from her incredibly high fever that I couldn’t get down with tylenol that the devil is still trying to slug punches at me, but he’s already hit me with the knock out one and I’m still here, there is nothing that he can do that will hurt as much as last year. It now just all slides right off of me. All I can do is laugh and know that this too shall pass, it will all pass and life will continue to go on and I will still be my beautiful amazing self and God will still love me no matter what happens.
So strep throat that knocked me out for 48 hours straight has nothing, children with strep throat has nothing, old faithful (my van) I said audios too and I am now carless with four children…has nothing, has nothing, has nothing! Stress from paperwork and a cheating husband has nothing. The avalanche from a snow plow on an overpass while I’m going under in my parents car…my life flashed before my eyes and the BOOM may be etched in my mind for a while but it has nothing. These swings at me are all nothing because it will all somehow be ok.
I will get a new vehicle that will fit all my children, I will be able to work again, I am alive, my children are alive, we are all getting healthier, and God still loves me.
Life is amazing, it truly is and I am thankful for it.