Freedom

“I’m not longer a slave to fear.”  The greatest, most freeing line ever.  This song is amazing at reminding me of the things I have learned and why I am me and how I have become who I am today.

I am free.

Fear used to be a big factor in my life.  Fear of dogs, fear of heights, fear of birds, fear of trying new things,  fear of getting hurt, fear of veering from the “rules”,  fear of failing, fear of doing the wrong thing, making a mistake, offending people.  I was afraid of what anyone and everyone thought of me.  I was afraid I wasn’t perfect enough, I was afraid of not being good enough.  If I made a mistake…I beat myself up for days and remembered it for years.  I was basically afraid of life as I now know it.

The other week I took my kiddos on a boat.  If I were the old me I would have been a nervous wreck just for me to be on the boat, let alone have the kids on it…actually I would have just come up with an excuse to not go.  I wouldn’t have gone at all.

Fear.  It’s a horrible thing.  It’s not good and if it’s not something good, it’s not from God.  Fear is not from God.  There is something called wisdom, but wisdom is not fear.

God has set me free from fear.  What is really the worst that is going to happen?  Some of my biggest fears ever have come to pass.  The person who was supposed to love me the most left me. I failed the person I loved the most.  He cheated on me.  It’s done.  It’s over.

I have no more room for fear in my life.  I have always wanted to try things.  So I am going to do it.  I have always wanted to see whales in Alaska so my Alaska envelope is started.

My kids?  Noisy?  Dear neighbors, I have four kids…it happens.  I’m not concerned what they think.  My kids dirty?  They darn tooting loved that chocolate and I failed at keeping the van stocked with wipes…yes I failed and I don’t care, I am not perfect and it’s ok.

Yes that’s me with my man-swim-trunks, t-shirt sucked to my rolls and knobby knees sticking out and I don’t care what you think, I don’t care if I’m not that mom in the bikini showing off her “tiger stripes”…that you have to distinctly look for to see.  I’m making memories with my children at the beach and it’s ok, I love me and my kids will learn to love themselves through that.

I really don’t care about what people think when my kids run up the slide.   It’s more fun to challenge the normal way people do things.  Odds are my child isn’t going to die from that piece of dirt.  I was the germ-aphobe mom for about one week of 6’s life…honestly…my children are going to be ok without “san hanitizer”.   They are going to be ok hiking their skirts and peeing in the grass, they are going to be ok with that piece of dirt, if they don’t bother the bee- the bee won’t bother them, oh and they aren’t dying from that fall on the grass they just had.

Yes I randomly hum in the store, I dance in the car and sing like a rock star…yes even without the kids around.  I am free.  I’m no longer a slave to fear.  I’m not afraid of what people think of me.  One day someone will love me for me again.  I’m not afraid of being unloved, I am loved by the King and that’s the most important love.   I make mistakes.  I’ll man up, move on and not think about it again.  Mistakes are ok.   I’m not afraid to try new things, life is boring without new things to experience.

A new restaurant?  Sure.  A new way to do something?  Sure.  An adventure I’ve never been on?  Sure.  I am going to enjoy my life.  I am going to go zip-lining.  If I fall, I fall.  I’ll go to heaven, but odds are I’m not going to fall.  I’m going to have an experience of a lifetime.  And somehow I am gong to conquer my fear of birds.  They sure aren’t going to peck me to death.  Their feathers and feet can’t be that creepy.

I am free. I refuse to let one ounce of fear come into my life because it sucks the life right out.   I don’t care what people think of me.  I am who I am and that is free.

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