Arg.

So he lost his job.

Not that it effects me really.  By the time the child support order gets to where it needs to go he will probably have a new job.  It’s strange to think that I’m still ok.  His job stability has no effect on me anymore.  When we were together he did work hard for us, but it’s always been a challenge to keep a job.  It’s just strange.

It’s weird wondering how his girlfriend is going to react when she finds out he is jobless.

It also reminds me that I supposedly still have a storage unit full of stuff down there.  I honestly don’t know if it still exists.  If his girlfriend has taken my stuff, if he lost the unit a long time ago, if anything still exists.  But it could.  My children’s baby pictures, first birthday momentos, my childhood toys, my favorite knick nacks, the kids toys.

We moved here with 3 suitcases and 3 rubber bins on the airplane.  We left everything and we have lived without it for a year, but lately it’s been bothering me.  6 has been asking about things.  Her fishing pole, the trailer we had full of stuff.  It makes me sad.

But it’s just stuff.  Can I live without the stuff or should I spend all our vacation money that’s saved up to go get it somehow?  If I do go get it, how do I go without the kids because I can’t drive a truck back with all of them?  But I can’t even imagine telling them I saw daddy and didn’t bring them.

They miss him.  I’m so torn.  If the unit still exists it could very easily go unpaid very soon…as I said if it still exists.

Oh the dilemmas.  I don’t really need the stuff, but it breaks me heart the kids lost out on their dad and their stuff.  Only really one child remembers the stuff though.  2 kids don’t even know who he is and one just remembers him, not the stuff.

The whole thing sucks and is just sad.  I don’t understand how someone could chose to become that person he has become.

He knew I lived a certain way.  Why did he marry me in the first place if he didn’t like it?  Why marry me if he wasn’t willing to fight for our marriage and work things out?  So stupid.  He’s hurt the most precious things to me.  Arg.