I Wish…

As I was unpacking the craft stuff today and putting them in my goober cool painted grey tool box, I found one of 6’s many notebooks.  I noticed only one page had something on it as I was putting it away so decided to peek.  My heart sank as I opened the cover to see a very well done picture of the world.  It had Canada written on it and at the top it said “I want to go back to so and so state.”   My baby misses her daddy so much.  I wish she had a daddy who loved her like she deserves to be love.  I wish she had a daddy who loved her as much as she loves him.  It makes me so sad.  It hurts.  I wish he freaking loved her enough.  I wish her daddy would hold her in his arms and never let go, ever.  I wish I could take all her pain away.  I wish he was enough.  I wish I was enough.  I wish she had it all.  I wish he was showing up at her karate classes, at her dance recitals, at her swimming lessons, picking her up from school, going on her field trips, taking her back to school shopping.  Hugging her, kissing her, tucking her in every night, dancing with her, showing her that he loves her.  I wish things were different.  I wish I could heal her pain, but I can’t.  I can’t fix it.

I can’t explain to her why “daddy chose to listen to the devil.”  Why daddy chose to not come home.  Why daddy made a bad choice, actually the worst choice of his entire life.  “Why did daddy chose to not come to Canada?  I wish daddy hadn’t chose to listen to the devil.  He made a bad choice and the devil tells people to make bad choices.  Why did he do that?”

I don’t know baby.  I don’t know.

“It’s sad that two people left mom.  Was daddy there when I was born?”


“It’s sad that he wasn’t there when you were in the hospital (when baby was born a year ago).  It’s sad that so and so (a friend) left too.”

I wish I didn’t have to deal with these emotions, these tears.  I wish I had some magical super powers to make it all better.  I wish a different daddy would come in and sweep my princess of her feet.  She is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I would give the world for her.  I wish he would to.

God, I know you are there.  Please come in and fix this.  Help my daughter and I heal.  Protect her father, my husband.  Help us Lord.  My load feels overbearing.  Yet I feel lonely.  I feel far from You God, but I know you are there.  Show us your love Lord, pour it down on us.  Fill our hearts with your love to wash the pain away.  I love my daughter God.  Thank you for her.  Thank you so much for my beautiful baby girl.  

3 thoughts on “I Wish…

  1. I will pray for you and your little girl. Why do our children have to hurt? Why is it down to us mothers to make their world happy. Your husband is missing out on so much a child is the most precious gift we can ever have. As bad as my husband has been he loves our son unconditionally. I made him agree that if he had left, he would spend at least one night a week with him and if our son phoned him he would drop everything to get here. Children don’t understand or deserve rejection. I hope that he your husband sees sense and does the right thing by his daughter some day soon x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am not too sure if you can file alienation of Affection if you are staying in one of these states : Hawaii, Illinois, North Carolina, Mississippi, New Mexico, South Dakota, and Utah

    Alienation of affection is a lawsuit generally brought by a deserted spouse against a boyfriend or girlfriend alleged to be responsible for the failure of the marriage.

    In order to win a case of alienation of affection, you must prove that:
    You and spouse were happily married and a genuine love and affection existed between you;
    The existing love and affection was alienated; and
    The malicious conduct of defendant was a cause of the loss and alienation of such love and affection.

    Then you need to gather Relevant Evidence such as showing that you and your husband were happily married before your husband met the home wrecker such as photos, videos, cards, letters, and testimony of the parties, friends, neighbors and other witnesses as many as you can.

    Just my 2 cents worth


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