One Month

It’s been one month today that I last heard my husbands voice on the phone.  That’s fine.  Our relationship is over, he’s left.

It’s been one month today my children’s father has called them.  That’s not fine.  Their relationship is not one that can be “divorced” or removed.  My children deserve a father who is involved in their lives.  Even if there was nothing between us he should at least be there for them.  But he’s not.

He has disappeared.  I don’t know wether his girlfriend has demanded he no longer contact us, wether he is homeless (as he lost his job last I heard) and his girlfriend kicked him out (as they mostly just fight last I heard…so much for all that passion, that went well for him) or if he’s dead.  I don’t even know.  I don’t really have any way of knowing and I don’t want to involve his father who does still message me.

It’s been a month since my children have had a father in any form or fashion.  I do hope that he is ok.  I still feel as if I can feel his pain.  I feel his hurt.  I cry for him.  He has lost the most wonderful thing that could have ever happened to him and he knows it.  I honestly do hope he is ok.

We moved into our new house and our neighbors were out back while my children were too.  I overheard this conversation as I was walking back to meet them.  The lady was talking and I’ve yet to decided if she is just really loud, talkative and boisterous or if she isn’t quiet functioning right (please don’t take offense).  Anyways she was talking to the kids and said something about your mommy and daddy.  6 very plainly said “We don’t have a daddy.”

“We don’t have a daddy”

I feel like ending the blog post there.  My child feels like she doesn’t have a daddy.  Which she doesn’t really.  She has someone that gave his sperm to make her and that’s it.  She doesn’t have a father in her life.  A dad is someone who is the head of the house, who shows love, who protects her, who raises her, who is there for her.  She doesn’t have that.  She has memories of one that was there, she has memories of one slowly disappearing and memories of one going but now she doesn’t have a daddy.  There are no words to respond to that.  There is nothing I can do to fix that.  Nothing.

My babies will be ok.  I will be ok.  We will be stronger than ever, fiercer than ever, more independent then ever, and will be more loved than ever.  It may not feel like it now.  But we will be ok.  We are loved.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s