I am me.

I am me.

That sounds dumb but it’s a truth that we all have to come to grips with.  I am me.  If someone doesn’t love me it’s ok.  Me is not going to change.  Me can grow, but me isn’t going to ever become a different me.  If I become a different person for someone else that’s not ok because that’s not who I am intended to be.  That’s not the person God made.  God made me me and me is someone great.

I have a purpose.

I have a purpose that is more.  It’s more than changing poopy diapers, separating fighting kids, running down the street to meet the school bus because I got distracted by supper.  It’s more than doing the laundry, changing the sheets when they get stinky.  It’s more than texting a friend every once in a  while when life gets tough.  It’s more than budgeting, messing around on Facebook, running around like my head has been chopped off trying to do all the errands in one day with three children in tow.  It’s more than being a day late on every deadline.  It’s more than wiping boogers, monthly doctor visits, pulling my hair out over strep throat and tonsil removal.  It’s more than keeping the van maintained.  My purpose is more.

I have still have a purpose.  It’s not just mother.  It’s not just provider.  It’s more.  I am on this earth for a reason.  Yes it’s to raise amazingly awesome people that grow up to be better than me and who will in turn change the world, but if that is all my purpose is then I am raising them to know that as their only purpose then we are just raising kids over and over again…when does the actual change the world thing come into action?

No.  I have a purpose.  My dreams.  My visions.  My talents and skills.  They are what make me me.  They are what will change the world.  This blog.  I pray will change just one persons life.  Yes it’s at times dark and depressing, but it’s also hope and light.  You aren’t the only one that struggles.  Struggle is real.  Depression is real.  Hurt is real.  You aren’t the only one and there is light.  There is hope.  We can get through it.  We will get through it if we hold on to the hope that there is always tomorrow and there is still good in the world.

My purpose.  Was to lead those handful of children to Christ 4 years ago.  It was to love on those kids last week.  It was to give that message to the church on Sunday.  My purpose was to buy the person in line behind me Tim Hortons.  To show them love is real and exists still.  My purpose is to grow.  I grow by stretching, by learning. My purpose to continue to learn.  To continue to give.  My purpose is to pursue my dreams.  My dreams of a book, of preaching, of loving on people – complete strangers.  Not the love the world knows.

A love that knows no limits.  One that loves even when it isn’t loved in return.  One that loves and sees the best in the people that hurt you the most.  My job is to show this.  To teach this.  This is the the love that God has and this is the love that I have because He lives in me and I am made in His image.  (Gal 2:20, 1 Cor. 3:16 & Gen 1:27).

It is my purpose to defeat depression…to defeat defeat.  Every good and perfect thing is from God…depression, defeat, an ill mind is not a good thing…it’s not from God.

The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy…that’s what depression is.  It kills hope, steals motivation and destroys your mind.  That’s the enemy.

My purpose is to overcome this.  My purpose is show the way.  God is the way.

If you don’t think so, that’s fine.  That’s His little bit of sovereignty He gave us.  Free choice.  Free will.  It’s your choice and I can do nothing to make you change your mind.  No argument or discussion will make you chose and God sure isn’t going to force you to chose Him.  That’s not free choice.  He didn’t make us machines to do His every beckon thing and call.  He DID NOT make us machines.  We do what we want.  We chose what we want.  He wouldn’t be a good God if he forced us to do anything.  He isn’t going to force us to go to heaven and He isn’t going to force us to receive good things and He isn’t going to force us to walk in His perfect plan for our lives.  It’s our choice.

Now I am choosing to fill myself up with good.  I choose to worship almost every moment I’m in the car.  I chose to remind myself of who I am.  I am me and it’s ok.  I have a purpose.  I am here for a reason that is defended as more than just mother and an abandonded single woman.  I chose to rear up out of that pit that sneaks up. I chose to not stair at the wall and let life go on around me.  I chose to not let my kids raise themselves because my mind isn’t functioning at full capacity.

I chose more.  I chose to live my life with the purpose that God intended.  I chose to make it to every Bible study so I can fill up with God’s truth and word.  I chose to write this blog so I can actively fulfill of this purpose.  I chose a life of abundance, walking in His purpose for my life.

A beautiful scripture.

Psalms 139:13-15

For You formed my innermost parts;
You knit me [together] in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was being formed in secret,
And intricately and skillfully formed [as if embroidered with many colors] in the depths of the earth.

God had a purpose for me the moment I entered my momma’s womb.  He put my spirit in there and that spirit had a purpose.  My purpose didn’t begin when I was birthed or when I entered adult hood.  I purpose began the moment I was conceived.   God knew what he was doing make me my mommas child.

And I am fearfully and wonderfully made!  I am wonderful! God says so.  He intricately formed every little part of me.  He put time and effort into making the wonderful me.  If God spent so much time and effort into my every little detail…I must me pretty special….I must be pretty special as ME!

A little bit of the wonderful me is in this little dude too…I better get it together to show him there is so much more.

Photo on 10-1-15 at 10.19 PM

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