Grey Grey

My grandma came for a visit on the train, my children’s great grandma.

I am so incredibly thankful that my children get to know her before she goes home to heaven.  She is 83 and ready, yet fighting it.  She walks, lifts her 2 year old great grandson, pushes a big double stroller, cooks, cleans…doesn’t stop no matter how much begging you do.  She is a machine.  She says “I’ll have lots of time to rest in Heaven.  I won’t stop until then.”

She is my own personal superwoman.  Other than my mother she is the woman I most look up to in this whole entire world.

She was one of the only people who encouraged me to wait for my prince charming. She believed in me the whole way.  She never doubted who I was and never thought I was strange for choosing to live my life the way I did…I chose to live very differently than the world.  I saw no purpose in dating a thousand men, drinking, sex, partying.  I chose to live for God straight up and my grandma always supported that.

Her house was always immaculate.  Not one ounce of dust.  She took care of her husband until the bitter end when she could no longer take care of her sick husband.    She raised three kids while working full time.  She survived the death of a newborn.  She was raised by her sister and brother in law.

She is a survivor and she thrived.  She believed in me and she loved me.

When I would visit her house she would run behind me in the park (yes run) as I rollerbladed.  We would watch wheel of fortune together, she always made jello for me and we played cards.  We always played cards, that was our thing.  When I visited it was at least twice a day…more like ten times a day.  She made me my favorite homemade mac and cheese or jello with ice cream and we would play cards.  I would wake up in the morning and we would play cards.  We would sit outside on the swing and…yes play cards.  We spent so much time together just playing cards.

The sad thing is…I haven’t played cards with her in a long time.  It is hard to play any sort of game with two babies running around grabbing at everything, sitting on your lap, insisting on playing too.  I miss that.  I miss my grandma.  I miss going to her house as a young adult, just me and her.  It is such a good memory.  I wish my kids could enjoy her like I got to, but I will be thankful that they do get to know her.  There was a point in my life that I didn’t think they would ever get to know her.  There was a point a little over a year and a half ago that I was worried I wouldn’t even be able to go to her funeral.

Make time for those special people in your life.

As I sat in my rocker, rocking my boy to sleep and singing over him.  Reminding him of who he is and who our God is I was comforted by the steady squeak of the chair.  The chair is new to me, but well loved by others.  It’s been used and it’s not what it once was, but there is still life to it.  The squeak reminds me that I may be used, my grandma may be old…things in life happen that wears us down, but as long as our heart is beating there is still life to us and a good one at that.

I am thankful for my “grey grey.”  She is truly my only superhero in my life (other than my awesome parents).  My husband was once included on that list.  I believed so much in him, but he didn’t want that position anymore.  Now my list has three remarkable people on it.

Just another step in life that I must turn the old into happy memories and not be saddened by what I no longer have with my aging grandmother, but be thankful for what I do have.  I still have her sweet smelling hugs every few months and her belief in me that I am living life right.

Thanks grandma.

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