It’s nice not to hate myself.

Ever come across something you forgot existed?

Before I get to that…I can feel the fire inside me spreading again.  The good kind of fire, the fire of passion for life, passion for my purpose, passion for God and actually reading His word.  I can feel it starting to burn inside of me again, it’s starting to consume me again…know what?  I find that I’m actually starting to love myself again, because of this passion.  Because that is who I am.  I am starting to love myself again because I know beauty is fleeting but a woman who loves the Lord is more beautiful than all.  Know what?  When I look in the mirror I actually am beginning to smile at my reflection, I am seeing a beautiful woman again, the inside is coming out.  I feel beautiful.  It’s nice not to hate myself.

Back to the thing I forgot existed.  I came across one tonight.  I randomly opened my Bible…because that is where I am at.  Half wanting, half forcing myself to read and flipping it open and trusting that is where God wants me.  One day I will be back to purposefully pursuing and studying and finding the scriptures on my own, but I am where I am and I accept that and God can work with that.

Back to my story.  My Bible opened to Proverbs 31.  Hello.  The chapter specifically written by God about His beautiful creatures…women.

Basically this verse is a mom talking to her son who is King.  This is his moms advice.  I forgot this chapter was in the Bible…I wonder who tried to erase this encouraging chapter from my mind?  I know exactly who and it worked, for a moment.  Well a long moment in my life, but I let God show me again.

First thing I find quite interesting is she tells her son, the King that slutty women and  alcohol are not for kings, for leaders.   I find it interesting that it says alcohol.  The Bible says don’t get drunk, don’t loose a sober state of mind, but then Jesus Himself made wine for a wedding. The Bible also says that it can cure an upset stomach. So there can’t be anything wrong with it, but it clearly says not to loose a sober state of mind.  I’ve always steered clear and not liked it and Proverbs 31 encourages my beliefs.

It says liquor is not for leaders.  Leaders should not crave it.  It is addictive.  Leaders should just steer clear to avoid the temptation of overindulging.  This may sound cocky but I am a leader.  I don’t sit by the sidelines.  I am not a casual christian.  I live for God, not perfect, but my life is for Him. I don’t want to be a follower.  I’m not ok to be an average Joe. I choose to live morally correct in this crazy falling apart world that no longer has any standards of living that God clearly wrote out for us to live by.  I chose to pursue Him because He loves me and He loves this world regardless of who they are and what they do.  He loves them straight up.  He forgave them before they even knew Him.  He let His Son die before He even knew if anyone would choose to follow Him.  That’s how much He loves the world and I want the world to know, through my life and the way I live it.

For me it has been easy to steer clear of liquor.  For others it’s not.  I get it and I am not judging.  Not one sin is worse than another.   James 2:10 “And the person who keeps every law of God but makes one little slip is just as guilty as the person who has broken every law there is.”  I have my own problems with anger and donuts and so many others.  I just found it encouraging that a mother of the King is giving him advice that liquor is not for leaders.

Then she goes on to tell him all about a wife he should be looking for and man…that woman is amazing.

She is capable and virtuous (she lives according to God’s morals), she is trusted and enriches his life not hinders it.  She makes his life better.  She works hard, provides, is diligent, is not lazy, gets up early to cook for her family and to prepare and plan the day for her servants, she is organized, she invests money wisely.  She is energetic, strong, and hard working.  That means her body is taken care of…I’m sorry you can’t be extremely overweight and energetic.  I know I’m not and is something I find is changing as I see how beautiful I am again, I slowly feel the desire to take care of myself come back.  She watches for bargains for purchases and business, she works into the night, she helps the poor, takes in the needy, is creative, she doesn’t worry because her family is taken care of by her because she has prepared and worked hard to accomplish her plan.  She takes care of herself and dresses beautifully, like royalty.  She knows who she is and how precious she is and she dresses accordingly.  She makes her own things.  She is dignified, acts like a lady.  That means her speech is proper, her actions are proper.  She laughs with no fear of the future.  She enjoys life.  Lives in the moment because she knows her God has taken care of her and she has diligently taken care of everything that needs to be done.  She speaks wisely, not brashly or stupidly and she speaks with kindness.  She corrects lovingly, she isn’t rude, she doesn’t have a sailors mouth either.  She watches carefully over everything going on in her house, there is no turned eye from anything and doesn’t have to deal with the results of laziness…because she clearly isn’t lazy.  In turn her children love her and her husband does too.

Wow.  That is one amazing woman and some very high standards for us to live up to.  That is my goal.  To be that woman that God describes.  Yes it seems nearly impossible to attain, but this mother was explaining to her son about this kind of woman he needs to find… I don’t doubt that his mother was the very example of this woman.  If one person can do it.  We can too and we have a God that helps us.  He is our helper.

Can you imaging a world where all the women acted like this precious lady who loved the Lord?

Wow.

I had forgotten about this goal I have had since I was 16 years old.  It is refreshed in my mind and is back on my focus.  Whether I have a husband or not I am going to passionately pursue being this perfect wife.   This perfect woman who fears God.  I will focus on developing myself into the perfect wife for my special someone regardless if I get that someone or not.   I want to be this lady who’s children love her, who is a blessing to the community and is a prized possession.

God loves me and it’s exciting.

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