We made it to 2016.
It never really felt significant coming up to it, but now that we are here I look ahead and think whoa…good riddance 2015. That was a tough one. Not the toughest…2014 was the toughest ever…2015 was second…therefore 2016 is only going to get better!
2015. The year of shit. Depression was battled most of the year. Reality that my marriage was over came in 2015. Yesterday would have been our 8 year anniversary…3 of those anniversaries were unfaithful. A fairly friendless year. An incredibly lonely year. The father of my children abandoned them, didn’t fight for them…gave them up %100. My children did not see their father this whole entire year. He did not call them for 6 months straight. My tax return for them was stolen. Not an ounce of child support was received. My green card was given up. Job layed off, daycare lost. Lies and betrayal and deceit and incredible anger and desperate sadness were in my year. Tantrums, hurting children, incredible sickness in my children…strep throat at least 16 times this year, do you know how much antibiotics that is? Putting my child under to have her tonsils and adenoids removed. One of the hardest things I’ve done and doing it alone even harder. Financial struggles, identity struggles, loss of passion, loss of hope, loss of motivation for anything at all. Yes this year plain old sucked. But it’s over. 2015 is over!
2015 is over but included good memories amidst the turmoil.
Cottage. Not one picture was taken but it brings so many good memories…crawfish catching with the kids, fishing, bonfire, sparklers, hiking, finding an abandoned beach, kids kayaking…momma sinking the kayak! makes me giggle. We took a girls weekend shopping trip which included spraying toilets that scared the bugs out of 4 (cracks me up still). I bought a debt free van! We got our own home. Our place that is all mine. We found an amazing dance studio for 6. 2 amazing recitals. A school that 6 is flourishing in. Due to the loss of my job I was able to withdraw 4 from school and she is so much happier now. She just wasn’t ready and that’s fine she has her whole life for it. This brings me so much joy to have her home again. Baby started walking and talking and is oober cute and 1! We went to the zoo, animal farm, beaches, visited friends far away, were blessed so much, new tires, new computer battery and cord, the first bed frame I’ve head in 8 years, pretty much all the furniture in my house was given to me…I shouldn’t have made it in the worlds standards but God is good and I am still loved by those around me. We’ve made it! And we’ve made it good! Thank you Jesus!
2015…we made it!
2016…is going to be good. I’m going forward. I am going to get a divorce. I am going to meet someone better. I am going to heal. My children are going to heal. I am going to find my passion for life again. I am going to find my purpose again. I am going to find what I am supposed to be doing with my life. My way of providing. My purpose. I am going to find it and I am going to do it. I am going to continue to take care of my babies. God knew what He was doing when He made me their momma! And I am going to continue to be the best momma for them. This year is going to be great.
He called the kids for the first time the day after Christmas…yes…the day after. First time in 6 months. They have talked 3 times since then. The condition is that “she” is not to be seen or heard…I’m just not ready. “She” spoke and he gave her the dirtiest look ever. I thought, “man am I ever glad that that look is no longer directed at me!” It’s freeing. It was also the first time I saw him that I wasn’t attracted to him or his voice! I’m glad we are out of that situation. Those looks, the pride, the way he used words that was quite like verbal abuse, and more. I’m just glad that is in the past. That I am not with him anymore and that he is away from them. It is good. It is good!
I am initiating change and moving forward! Hello 2016!