In the End

At the end of it all good wins.

I hate to tell you, but I know how the story ends.  What story?  The story of this thing called life.  I understand that this world is full of other ideas about life and often times I feel as if I am alone in this walk, but I am most confident in my God.  He is a good God.  The only God.  I could be a very bad person and my good God still loves me.  I could make every mistake in the book, I could lie, cheat, steal, abandon my loved ones, heck I could murder and God would still love me and if I asked for forgiveness He would give it.  Why?  Because He is a good God.

At the end of it all I am going to Heaven.  I am not going to sit on a cloud playing a harp, God gave me purpose here, He has one for me there.  I am going to Heaven and it’s going to me amazing and fulfilling.  My ending is good.  Plain and simple I know my ending and have I mentioned it’s good?

For the world, my good God wins.  Good wins.

All my life I have been the good girl.  I never thought about it, it was just who I was and therefore what I did.  I didn’t steal, curse, drink, smoke, don’t know much of anything about drugs, I never had sex before marriage, the first boy I kissed was my husband to be.  It was just me.  If I made a mistake it haunted me for a very long time.  It wasn’t fear, it was me.  When I got to about 16 I began to passionately pursue my good God and knew He has good plans for me.

My life was easy.  It was easy to pursue God and be good because that’s just who I was.  I was connected to Him, wanted Him and enjoyed living my life without the hassle of regrets and knowing I wasn’t pleasing Him.  It was just the way I choose.  My choice.

It wasn’t until very recently that I have ever struggled with being the good in my life’s story.  I have had to purposefully think about what the good decision is and choose to do it.  I have never had this struggle before.  It was easy to ditch my friends because I didn’t like they way they cursed left and right or talked about stuff that I didn’t want my little girls talking about one day, so why would I?  Yes I know…I was a strange teenager.  It was easy to not talk at school when we weren’t supposed to.  To not smack the person that is talking crap about me behind my back.  To bite my tongue and refrain from saying words I would regret.  It was easy to do the good things.

Now I face very real struggles of damaging the person that damaged me and my children the most.  To keep my lips or texting fingers silent.  To not take various actions that will seriously harm that person (in which I cannot say because they have access to this blog).  It is difficult to not want to tear his girlfriend apart with the “real” story.  I purposefully have to choose to be the good guy.  To be the better person.  And this evening in the shower I was reminded why I now am choosing to be the good guy.

My husband left me and it’s ok.  My God will never leave me.  My husband left me and it’s ok.  My God will never leave me.  My God is everything I need.  My God passionately pursued me 2000 years ago when He died on the cross for me.  My God pursued me so much He died for me.  My God loves me.  My God loves me to death.  My God is the perfect Husband, the perfect Father, the perfect Lover.  He captures my heart with His love because He passionately pursues me.  He shows me what a true lover looks like.  And He fills that void until I find a man that loves me like God loves me.  Until I find a good man.  A man that also knows there is a good ending and chooses to live this life with that good ending in mind by my side.  Until then, I will choose to live a good life knowing that my good God has a good ending and there is no need to be the bad guy because at the end of it all it doesn’t matter.  Good wins.

Based on the look on his face tonight when his children face timed him talking about the day he got saved, as his girlfriend eves dropped, I am no longer sure he is on the good side.  Her ways may have swayed him.  I’m not sure how I would handle the day if he choose not to believe in God anymore.  For my kids sake that is devastating.  I don’t want anyone to go to hell.  Not him, not her.  In the end good wins.  I hope they are on that side.  God will deal with the emotions and feelings on that day we see each other.  After all the pain and grief they caused that is another choice I choose…I choose to wish them well.  I choose to not think harm to them.  I choose to hope they see the light and hook up with God.  It’s a hard choice.  So much wants to see them hurt for the hurt, stolen from the thievery, depressed from the depression caused, grieving from the grief, rage from the rage,  but that is not good.  I choose to be good.  At the end of this story good wins.

I will not turn to the dark side Vader…

 

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