My three year old crawled into bed this morning with me at 5:30am, “mommy I want to cuddle your hair”…she has a strange creepy obsession with hair. Kind of like the creepy dark haired guy in the movie Charlies Angels that goes and cuts off a chunk of peoples hair and then sniffs it in pleasure. Weird.
Then at 6am my 1 year old starts screaming at the top of his lungs and my 5 year old ends up getting up with him, taking him out of his bed, leaves him and I find her on the potty.
All while my 2 month old is nursing. Needless to say she was cut-off early and she didn’t like it.
Meanwhile my brain is reeling from why in the world did you not say goodnight. Why does your phone go straight to voicemail. I’m trying very hard to let it slip right off of me and think the best of you. It’s easy at first, but as time slips away it gets harder and harder to not think about it and stay positive.
Regardless of the reason there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I even told you directly last night on the phone that I need you to keep telling me you love me even if it seems redundant. That obviously didn’t get through to you.
It’s also so hard to keep my thoughts from drifting to what you had done. It’s hard not to picture you with another woman. When I think about kissing you, she pops into picture with you. When I think about possibly wanting sex you and her together come into mind. It’s horrible. Makes me feel disgusting and brings the darkness and sadness in.
It’s going to be an interesting day today. I refuse to let the darkness in and stay. This is the day that the Lord has made…I WILL REJOICE!
Does anyone else have kids that think that bath time isn’t successful unless the whole entire bathroom is filled with water?
I already showered that morning, I wasn’t really interested in having my top soaking wet which then showed off every single rolling hill I was trying so hard to hide.
And the laundry that I wanted to do so bad…those 5 drenched towels and two bath mats…does anyone else use two bath mats at bath time?
Although all the extra clean up last night was totally worth the cute little bums that were all doing mermaid poses and the heads I get to kiss and cuddle that all smell like coconut now.
Life isn’t perfect but if you look close enough you can find moments all over that are worth fighting for.
Joy comes in the morning…or after the splashes…
Last night after we had gotten home oober late, I grabbed the first book I found to read to my daughter in bed so as to get her to sleep as quick as possible. It was “If You Give a Moose a Muffin”.
We love those books. Yet as I read it I realized it is quite like my life, the story of my life and my brain.
I do one thing, don’t quite finish it, move on to another and and another and eventually get back to the first thing I started on.
Like just now. I finally got my son to sleep for a late nap, the big girls are in the basement …painting…scary I know and the baby is sleeping. So I do the dishes, then go to pick up the pile of toys my son dumped out earlier and realize the basket they belong in isn’t there. I search for the basket and find it full of pantry items my daughter had put in as she was “shopping.” I take the basket back to the pantry and put the items away leaving the basket empty then go back to the pile of toys and throw them in the basket. Crayon stubs, garbage pieces, books that don’t belong and all. I know I’m working on not being lazy and should have put the items where they truly belong, but at least it’s cleaned up right? I did put the stray cheese puff in the garbage…*good mamma*.
Constantly going in circles not quite finishing anything that I would like to do.
For instance I am typing, but now I must leave and get my son who as woken up and coheres him to go downstairs too so that I can come back and finish this blog…
There the deed is done…somewhat…a pair of pants got put away, the door and window to my room got opened cause it was hot and the wonderful smell of my room was soaked in for a brief second. Yes I stood in my room and smelled it. Weird I know. And my sons nose was wiped. But now he is screaming by the front door and I am ignoring him typing this.
Fabric softener placed in our rooms is genius. Makes everything smell so much better. Diapers less potent, clothes so much more exciting to put on and the breeze from the window makes it all float around the room and my kids smell so much better cause they sit in their drawers! Genius I say.
Mommy-hood is not for the faint of heart and it messes with your brain a little. To all you mommies and daddies that are around…Go! Go! You rock!