Another oober busy day…I mean oober.
I had grocery bags sitting by the front door, supper half made, laundry needing to be flipped and I had just given in to 3 and 5’s arguing and had them settled in front of electronic devices, by the time 5 rolled around son had missed his nap, baby hadn’t slept much because son enjoys squishing her and pulling her “plug” aka soother aka pacifier. Son suddenly and I mean suddenly started crying uncontrolably and became unconsolable. I put him to bed and he went to sleep…for 15 minutes then started all over again.
His distress caused baby distress and she started crying. He didn’t want food, he didn’t need a new diaper, he didn’t want to play, he didn’t want down, he just wanted me to hold him…and he cried and screamed…not a I’m mad cry or an I’m not getting my way cry…a something is wrong, but I don’t know what cry.
Eventually I just sat on the floor beside baby’s bouncy seat rocking him back and forth and patting his back while bouncing her and keeping her plug in her mouth and I joined in his tears. And to add to this the phone starts to ring with a call from husband. I knew if I answered then and there in my moment of desperation, the moment I need an “you’re doing great, it’s going to be ok” the chaos would overwhelm husband and he would get frustrated because there is too much going on and he can’t focus, so I choose the lesser of two evils and ignored it…twice.
With the girls oblivious to the three of us in distress we cried. Eventually son decided he wanted the oatmeal on the table he was staring at and everything became good again! Such a strange thing, he normally doesn’t have melt downs like that. And once he stopped life was good again.
Random toddler meltdowns not fun…I would much rather him run around behind me smack me in the back run back around growl at me and make it rain crayons…that was much more enjoyable.
PS our massively ginormous Christmas tree 5 picked is freaking amazing!! It takes up the whole room its in and is so fluffy it does not require a tree skirt…brings me so much joy.
Today was successful at choosing to be happy, other than my moment of overwhelmed-ness. It included 3 and I blaring the music in the car and dancing like crazy women. Watching the kids have so much fun checking out the daycare, racing through the rain with the double stiller loaded with two babies and 3 “skateboarding” a whole block to drop one piece of paper off to someone…not being sarcastic here…we laughed the whole way and got exercise…double duty! Staring a good 5 minutes at my cute girlies focus faces as they played on those darn electronic devices and craziest of all…acting happy on the phone with husband which turned into actually happiness.
Fake it till I make it! It works. I’ve…disliked him quite a lot this week, but I decided it’s a whatever situation and I might as well enjoy my life and think less about what could be happening, what should be happening, what did happen, what I do or don’t want and just be happy. I always thought when he had left us that the children alone are a good reason to fight for our love and marriage…I’ve had to remind myself of this a lot this week…to be quite frank I would have been ok with divorce this week…but not anymore…I’m going to be happy no matter what. And honestly that will probably make me more attractive to him and somewhere in the Bible it says my behavior and lifestyle will change my husband…HA! He has no chance…I’ve got the joy joy joy down in my heart!
So as the random dermatologist or as I call him “mole doctor” told me yesterday (yes I had an appointment on a Sunday…weird I know)…you’ll be ok, it will be ok, and something like…just be “and I’m not talking as a doctor now”…how he randomly asked how many kids I had and what my husband did for a living leading him to find out we are seperated I will never quite know, but God is pretty cool and will use anyone to love on me, including you who read this’ encouraging comments and…it will be ok, just be…even a mole doctor.
P.S.S again…my billions of moles are all benign…woop woop!! Praise God.