I don’t have much to say lately.
Life just keeps going wether I hear from my husband or not. Whether he is able to call or not. Wether his phone works or not. Life goes on. Even after I search inside and out twice for any written note from him in the envelope he sent and come up with nothing, life still goes on. Even as I take my kids door to door trick or treating and get ridiculously tired from carrying my one year old onto each step then racing back to the baby in the stroller and then racing back to get him before he nose dives off the porch and think man this would be so much easier with two of us. Life still goes on.
As I hear the most horrifying sound of 3 falling down the whole flight of stairs and rip the baby off my boob to race to 3 I think it would be so much easier to share this panic with someone other than my children. Thankfully she was ok other than a rug burned nose and was very quick to say amongst her sobs, “If I got to watch tv that would make me feel better”. Always cracking me up.
It would be so much easier with someone else. Finding a job, child care, cleaning, spending adequate time with the children, bedtime…so much easier.
The hugs, cuddles, loving, dates, hand holding, gifts, sweet words, praise, encouragement, adventures…so much better with someone else.
But as I have been learning the easy way is most often not the best way.
How that applies to my life I’m still learning.
It would be easy to pay for his move and have him here now. But I’m not sure that would be better. He is still learning. Growing. His heart is still softening. We would most likely go right back to the way our relationship used to be and I can’t do that. I need a man of God and my kids need a father like Christ. It’s that simple. So I guess the easy way is not the best way.
Life sucks sometimes. My heart hurts most of the time. Finding my smile is often hard. Keeping thoughts away is an energy consuming battle. But life is going to keep going so you might as well float with it. There is hope and there is a bright bright bright future whatever it may be.