Genuine Concern

While texting today it was brought up that you are concerned for me.

I mentioned that I often never felt like I was concerned for.  If I was sick you didn’t care, if I had a hard day…whatever, if I forgot to eat, if I needed a break, if I was struggling…whatever.  And then you go and cheat on me…that’s really a whatever.  Absolutely no concern for me whatsoever.

My favorite time in our relationship was the birth of our son.  I truly felt loved, cherished and cared for.  It’s amazing how wrong things can go in one year.  What the heck happened.

I wish I could make the pain go away.  I really do.  I wish I was like God and could forget what I have forgiven.  How does He not remember my thousands of sins?  How does He move on when I hurt Him?  Abandon Him? Neglect Him?  Am unconcerned for Him?  He does it every day.  He loves me unconditionally and only sees me as amazing.  How do I do that?  How do I not hurt anymore?

I’m really not sure of this answer.  I just will keep going and think on the good things.  The I’m proud of you card I got after the birth of OUR son.

…our son that doesn’t even know who you are.

If you are truly concerned for us you would be here right now.

One step at a time I suppose.

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