Trust

WIll I ever trust you again?

I can slowly feel my heart feeling slightly safer around you lately.  Even though I haven’t actually seen you in 6 months.  But you have been faithful to call me everyday for the past week or two now.  I actually look forward to hearing your voice…I have always loved your voice.

I’m supposed to feel safe around my husband.  He’s supposed to be my safe spot.  Now he is my greatest source of fear and pain.

But as I said, there is a slight, smidge, small piece of me that feels safe when I talk to you.  Yet I still doubt greatly.  Last night was the first night you disappeared early again.  You “went to bed early”….and my lack of trust soared and is still soaring…as…I  just don’t trust you when you say you are going to bed early.  I don’t remember you ever doing that with me.  I remember waking up and you would still be playing video games at 3am.  I remember you also used to always answer your phone or read a text the second you got it.  You always had your phone beside you.

This brings me great anger as you were probably talking to “her”.

I hope tonight you don’t disappear again.  I want to be able to trust you again, I really do.  I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that when we don’t even live in the same area.

Little by little it will get better.  You had better be the man God called you to be. I deserve the best.  That little piece of safe will grow.

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