Building a House Called Me

My dearest husband,

I gave you an article to read about people with ADD/ADHD and I asked you if it was you or if it was true.  You said it was you to a T.   I really don’t know where to go from there.  I don’t understand it and to be honest I feel as if it’s just excuses.  This is something I need to learn more about.

You need to look at me as a building.  I’ve been absolutely destroyed.  The building is in pieces.  You said you wanted to continue to be married to me and be with me.  In saying that you are choosing to be with this building and it’s not right for you to be with this destroyed building and not fix it.

You can’t just start building again and then drop the process. The wind and the weather is going to destroy all the progress you have made.  Whatever you built is going to be torn apart again if you stop working on it.

It’s going to take many years to build the building totally back up.  You said you were going to do it.  So why do you stop?

The article I sent you said that you have a hard time starting a challenge…you seemed to have started it.  Then it said you have a difficulty staying on task…I can see that, but at the same time it also said when you dive into something you dive into it head on and it’s hard to stop a task once you’ve started…which one is it?  Those two statements are contradictory.

Why have you stopped telling me multiple times a day that you love me?  Why have you stopped calling me baby and beautiful and wife and other sweet things?  That you are proud of me.   Why have you stopped texting me goodnight? Those are the things that really build me up.  They really build this house back up.  But the past few days you have stopped.  I’m testing the grounds of trust and it’s failing. You said you would text me goodnight every night, you haven’t the past two nights.   And I feel myself being torn back down again, being ripped apart by the weather of emotions and thoughts and memories and the crap swirling by me.

Can we fix this?  Can we fix our problems?  Are you really willing to put your all into me, into this marriage, into our lives?  I know the man you can be and it’s amazing.  I know the marriage we could have and it’s dreamy.  I know the family we can have  and it’s out of this world.  But it’s going to take some serious dedication and hard work and not giving up to do it.  Not letting our standards slide.  If you are building a house, do you just stop and take a month long break?  I’m pretty sure you keep building until it’s complete and strong and can stand on it’s own.

Heavenly Father,

I love you.  I love you with all my being.  Draw me closer to you and help me become more intimate with you.  Teach me to be a Godly parent.  A loving parent.  Teach me to be a Godly wife.  A wife that follows God and is truly a treasure worth more than any amount of jewels or money.  Help me understand my husband.  Help me to help him.  Help me to be patient and kind.  I thank you for his apology.  I thank you for his wanting to be better.  Help him truly get there.  Guide him, give him wisdom and gosh darn it just fix him.  Can I ask that?  I know it’s not all him, but I feel like we are constantly taking one step forward and then one back and not getting anywhere.  It’s frustrating.  Lord take our lives into your hands and mold them and move them and love on them.  Be with him.  Keep him safe and calm and set his mind at ease.  Heal his mind.  Heal his heart.  Lord thank you for never leaving me.  Thank you for always leading me and guiding me. Teach me all I need to know Lord.  Help me grow in love.  I love you God so so so stinking much.  You are amazing and wonderful and truly worthy of all my praise.  All my praise goes to you. In Jesus name amen.  

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