Gosh.

Gosh.

Yesterday playing at mcdonalds..yes mcdonalds the ultimate kid place 3 comes half crawling half walking off the slide screaming with a trail of blood behind her.  The mcdonalds slide sliced her toe pretty darn good.  Enough to go to the hospital.  They couldn’t stitch it cause of the spot it’s in, but it was bad.

I texted her dad  (my friend suggested if I don’t call him husband it may help so I’m trying it, but it sucks). Thought it may be something he would care to know.  Eventually he called and after asking if she’s ok the very next words were you should sue.  That just made me want to hang up right there and do the total opposite.  Yes of course it came to my mind.  One.  A kid friendly zone should not cut my child.  Two.  They should have a first aid kit and not just two tiny bandaids.  Three.  They really need to clear out the play area and get the blood cleaned up asap instead of letting the little kids feet prints run through the blood and leave it in the restaurant where people are eating food.

But the first thing he told me to do was sue.  Don’t tell me what to do!  You have no right whatsoever to tell me what to do.  And why do you have to hate on every single person you meet?!  He comments to every person that walks in the “out” door at walmart…every single person.  And really all you care about tis money?  What so you don’t feel so obliged to pay child support?

Anyways…My whole afternoon was spent at the hospital.  Yesterday.

Today.  4 kids, 2 hours, 3 nurses, 1 doctor, 1 very small room, 7 immunizations and 1 oral made for 1 exhausted mom.

Tomorrow.  Well, lets just say 7 years ago I married a man.  Last year was a lie.  This year’s anniversary doesn’t even exist.  Trying to push the past behind me and not think about it because thinking about the hurts will not be produce anything but more pain and more hurt.  Looking to the future is only scary. and bleak..so right now I’m looking at the board game I’m going to play with 5 tomorrow.  That will be fun.

Gosh.

God.  My life sucks!!!!!  It’s my anniversary.  The man of my dreams I married.  He’s not the man of my dreams anymore.  He stole my man, he stole my dreams, he stole my joy, he stole my hope.  It’s all gone God…I need you to replenish it Lord.  This next year God looks so freaking scary.  Moving (again), custody, access, divorce, spending money on a car…it looks so bleak God.  You are my prince of peace, you are my provider, you are my all, you are my lover, my friend.  You are my saviour.  You save me.  God save me.  Wash the pain and hurt away.  Erase the painful memories Lord.  Heal my heart.  Heal my daughters toe too.  Heal their hearts.  Be my all, be my everything.  I need you so much God.  Fill me to overflow with you.  Give me rest tonight and peace tomorrow.  Thank you for carrying me through the tough times.  In your sons holy name.  Amen.

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