I’ve lived through a lot of crap and still am. I could go on again about the crap that’s going on, about the feelings I have, I could go on about the hate I feel this morning, the distrust, the stress, but I don’t want to. I really don’t want to feel this anymore…
Only God. As I draw and more to the conclusion (which I’ve known all along, but strayed from more often than not) that only God is able to meet my every need I try remember that all the answers I need are in a book sitting beside me. Granted I read more than I did before I still want to read more than I do. I want to pursue my relationship with God. If I pursue Him more, he will become the center of my affection and focus and all other things will begin to wash away and come less prominent in my life and in my perspective.
This morning I was reading Ephesians 1.
There has been so much despair and confusion and frustration and anger in my life lately. I am the only one that is allowing all that into my life. As I just said, if I adjust my focus on God it would be much easier for me.
“He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love.”
I keep talking about wanting to be made whole again…it’s simple His love will do that. I just have to accept it.
It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for.
and my favorite part…
I ask the God of…Jesus Christ…to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of his glorious way of life he has for his followers…endless energy, boundless strength.
All I have to do is know him. And I will have endless energy, boundless strength. I can get through this I just have to stick with God. If I spend time with him I will know him. I don’t have to lock myself up in a closet to know him. He hears me wherever I am.
Wether I’m in bed screaming at him (God), wether I’m crying out in desperation and pain, wether I am feeling sick because I’m so confused, we are building our relationship in that all.
Wether I just take a quick glance at the Bible in the middle of kids screams, He speaks to me.
That little voice…He’s talking to me.
When I get lost in His presence as I drive my children to dance, He’s there.
All this crap that’s going on in my life. That I wish upon no one else, that no one should have to feel or go through. Girlfriends and wives don’t belong together. Lies and secrets are crap. All this can have less of an impact on my emotional, mental and physical well being by giving it to God a little more.
“Let it go! Let it go! Can’t hold it back anymore…” yes that song is in my head, the one many parents have heard a thousand times over again. I gotta let it go. Cause only God can do what needs to be done. Only God can heal me, only God can restore me, only God can teach me to forgive, only God can give me energy and strength.