Emotions

Who knew that humans had such a wide variety of emotions.

Who knew we could contain in every crevice of our bodies and minds such an immense amount of feelings.

Anger, hate, frustration, discontent, smite, sadness, sorrow, and on and on.

You called and said I know it’s not fair, but i love you.  I couldn’t say it back today.  It’s hard.  I’m so confused.  Have you said goodbye to her?  How do I know you aren’t sitting there with her right beside you telling her the same thing?  I don’t.

I don’t know if you are lying.  I don’t know if you are still just saying words to say words and cover your butt.  I don’t know if you are really alone at 6pm or not.  I don’t know if things are going to fall through.  It makes my stomach feel sick just thinking about it.  I don’t know.  I really want it to work but I don’t want someone who isn’t the man of God they are supposed to be every single day.

I’m indifferent.  I’ve hoped so much, fought so much, stayed in it so much that I have nothing left to fight with.  If you want it…it’s all you.  Your battle.  I’ll try to hang on and hope it works out.  If you change your mind and decide that we aren’t worth the battle, that’s fine.  I had the divorce people’s phone number sitting on the seat beside me a few days ago.  It’s a reality I’ve had to become ok with and I’m ok with that too.  It sucks, but as my friend says, I’m worth the best.  Bring on the best there husband.  Bring on the best.

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